Laundry As A Love Language

I did days of laundry to prepare my children for school.

I sorted through three boys’ closets. I weeded out the abused fabrics, passed down the good hand-me-downs. I filled a bin for consignment of the pieces that no longer fit, or the perfect polos that my simple T-shirt wearing kids refused to wear. I carefully removed tags and stickers from the new additions.

I washed, dried, hung, folded and sorted away piles of clothes over the days leading up to school.,

On the eve of the first day back, my husband and I tucked our children into bed. Backpacks were packed. Clothes were laid out the work was done, and the peacefulness set in as we sat on the couch to talk about the next day.

It wasn’t peaceful for long though, because then my husband asked me if his laundry was in the dryer.

“No. I haven’t done any of your clothes.”

He then informed me that he’s out of work pants that he’ll need the next morning.

I had completely overlooked my husband’s pile of laundry mounding in our bathroom. He mentioned the pile and asked why I hadn’t done it yet.

Well, in my mind that just flipped the how dare you resign me to doing all the laundry you misogynist switch and I challenged him with, “do not see all I’ve been doing? How busy I’ve been getting the kids ready for school?”

He rebuts with, “Don’t you know I still need pants?” and “Did you not see the huge pile?”

No, actually I didn’t.

It felt stupid to be arguing over laundry, but there we were in the middle of a lot of miscommunication, misunderstanding and disappointment.

We angrily went our separate ways, him to shower and to bed. And me to the laundry room to bitterly make sure it was all done by the morning to lord over him.

The next day he texted from work to thank me for having his clothes ready. And by the time he got home, the silly tension was gone and we were making light of how ridiculous the fight.

He acknowledged how busy I’ve been, and said, “you just forgot about me,” while laughing it off.

That moment, I realized the fight didn’t spring from him, being an entitled chauvinist and thinking I’m a dutiful housewife, but that he felt overlooked and all the chaos of back-to-school.

And he was.

My husband‘s primary love language isn’t even act of service. It wasn’t truly about the service of his laundry or his particular love language, we all feel loved when it’s clear we are priority.

I’d rather be a substandard housewife in the sense that I don’t keep up with laundry than it being that I don’t prioritize my husband, though that day, they were the same.

For that I sincerely apologized.

There will come chaotic seasons when things are overlooked, put on the back burner and priorities shifted. It’s inevitable, but it’s important in marriage that no matter how busy we become, it’s not our partner that is overlook or unconsidered.

The Scarecrow Trail

Each October a collection of scarecrows line the well-beaten path, tucked away, in the quiet woods of Ruth B. Nichols Arboretum.

The Scarecrow Trail began in the fall of 2010, hosted by the Cherokee County Master Gardeners Association to benefit the nonprofit H.O.P.E. (Helping others pursue enrichment.)

“H.O.P.E. has been helping people of Cherokee county for many years. They provide varied services to people in need. The Master Gardeners grow vegetables that are given to H.O.P.E. to be used in their daily lunches. Our organization, was looking for another way to support them in the idea of the scarecrow trail was born.” Master Gardener Cassie King said.

The trail has since been an annual event. Local businesses, school classes, organizations, families, or individuals can all construct a scarecrow to be a part of the trail for a small entry fee that benefits the nonprofit. The result of their efforts is a wide array of creative displays, none spooky and all appropriate for the whole family.

“The purpose of the trail is threefold to benefit H.O.P.E., to provide enjoyable entertainment for our community, and to spread the word about the Master Gardeners of Cherokee County,” King said.

Admission to the trail is one nonperishable food item or $1, per person, in support of H.O.P.E.

My boys and I have attended the trail for years. We’ve seen a scarecrow doing a cartwheel, recognizable cartoon characters, a cowboy, complete with a straw-filled horse just to name a few. There’s no telling what you’ll see and each year offers something new and different. 

The trail will be open from October 21st through November 4th, Monday through Saturday from 8 AM to 3 PM at 1015 South East Loop 456 Jacksonville, Texas.

Don’t miss this unique Fall tradition that Jacksonville has to offer.

Enduring Marriage

Are we supposed to be happy in marriage or just endure it?

The night was quiet as I waited for her answer.

Yes.

Yes, you should be happy but sometimes you have to endure it.

More marriages might survive if partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.

Doug Larson

That quote came to mind as she gave me her answer.

I was obviously in a season of enduring. It came after a season of disconnect, a season of frustration and eventually a season of apathy.

It left me there questioning everything and if I had the endurance, faith and commitment to find if, in fact, there’s better after worse.

Because I turned to someone who values marriage the same as I do and because she knows advocating for me is actually advocating for my marriage, though in those bitter moments it may not feel as if they are the same… she turned me around and sent me home.

From there I went into a season of grace, a season of effort and rebuilding into the next season of happiness.

Then I was able to see more of the better even after the worse.

It ebbs and flows, the season of marriage. It’s undoubtedly work and fun to stay in the highs, fortitude to last through the lows, resilience and love to manage them both.

So if you find yourself in a season of enduring marriage, know that it can be that way. But it shouldn’t stay that way.

Pepaw’s Pistachio Cookies

What do you get someone who has everything they need?

That’s always a conundrum isn’t it?

I typically gift them their favorite consumable products – snacks, treats, homemade or otherwise.

For many years now we’ve gifted our Pepaw pistachios. In snack packs, bulk, shelled or not – it’s been a stand-by gift. He loves pistachios so it works. But as his 87th birthday drew near it didn’t seem like enough so I wanted to mix it up.

He also loves cookies and I love to bake. There’s no great leap here … no revelation of the perfect gift … I made pistachio cookies.

But they’re delicious and incredibly easy and that combination makes them worth sharing!

_{This recipe makes a couple dozen cookies. You may want to go ahead and double it.}

When A Snow Shovel Made Me Cry

I thought I had happened to pass a heartwarming sight this morning; then a snow shovel made me cry.

The roads were surprisingly clear from our Texas snow day as we made the drive to school. Still, snow and ice blanketed most yards and clung to unused walkways.

There, at one home, next to a clear sidewalk stood a snow shovel with a sign.

I couldn’t read the sign on my first pass but I assumed they had used it and left it out for their neighbors to borrow.

How sweet.

On my less hurried pass by I stopped to fully read the sign.

Turns out you can borrow the shovel for $10 an hour.

And there I realized what I had interpreted as a kind, neighborly gesture was only a chance to capitalize on the rare weather.

Now, I’m not against finding opportunities to make money. Had it been a young person peddling their services I would have applauded it. But this didn’t sit right.

Then I cried.

I cried because my assumption was grossly wrong and I was disappointed.

And then I cried because I felt like I shouldn’t even feel surprised by this.

And I cried because I’ve seen neighbors lending tractors, chainsaws, trailers … while there stood a shovel for rent.

Matthew 22:39 instructs us to love our neighbor. Texas means friend. If you need a cup of sugar I want to lend you a cup of sugar. If I need a cup of sugar I hope my neighbor is a friend.

Now it’s a sunshiny day and we’re expecting a high in the mid 50’s. The snow will clear without exertion. There’s no need for a snow shovel.

There is need for kindness.

Simple Pumpkin Coffee Cake

Preheat oven to 350*

For the Cake –

• 2c all purpose flour
• 1t baking powder
• 1/2t baking soda
• 1/2t salt
• 1T pumpkin pie spice
• 1/2c brown sugar
• 1/2c granulated sugar
• 1t vanilla
• 1c pumpkin puree
• 1/2c vegetable oil
• 1/4c sour cream
• 2 eggs
• 1/2c walnuts

Mix and bake in an 8×8 greased pan for about 40 minutes.

For the Glaze:

• 1/2c powdered sugar
• 2T maple syrup
• tiny splash of heavy cream

Mix well in a deep bowl and spread over warm cake. Enjoy!

A Mark 12:31 Love

Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Mark 12:30-31 holds the two greatest commandments … to love God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself.

This scripture tells us a lot about how to treat others. It’s the basis of the golden rule; treat others how you’d want to be treated.

Are you living it out?

When you drop in on a friend and her living room is scattered with toys and a days worth of dishes sit in the sink, are you judgmental or do you tell her not to worry about it.

The kids are fed and happy. You know how it is — Priorities mama!

When your girl apologizes for not putting any makeup on, don’t you tell her not to be silly; she’s still just as beautiful.

When your dressing rooms are side by side and a pair of jeans make her cry — do you shout over the divide that no size number determines her worth and you’re down to powerwalk this mall as often as she’d like.

#shoppingismycardio

When she tells you her dreams don’t you get excited, encourage her, support her?

If she messes up, comes short, fails … don’t you still love her, support her, encourage her?

If she lets you down … do you forgive her? Give her grace, patience, the benefit of the doubt, another chance?

Do you belittle her, doubt her, limit her, judge her, insult her?

Woman, read this carefully and hear this – You are her.

“Love your neighbor as yourself,” – We hear that and know that it means to extend grace, patience, kindness, forgiveness; to speak kindly and to do no harm.

We know what it means and yet we’ve lost it on ourselves …

Now – can we love ourselves as well as we’d love our neighbor, our friend…

Can you forgive yourself for your shortcomings?

Will you encourage yourself to go after your lofty dreams?

Stop apologizing if you didn’t want to put on makeup. Can you recognize the beauty in your own bare face?

Can you marvel at every freckle God placed; the flecks of colors like a galaxy in  your eyes and every wrinkle – a sign of the times you spent laughing?

Can you get a pass for a sink full of dishes because you kept the kids alive.

You are wonderfully made!

Every part of you is wonderfully made and worthy of love, the parts of you squeezing into those jeans, the part that leaves the toys in the floor,  the part that wants to try something new, the part that doubts, the part that has broken promises to herself, the part that’s resilient, that part that gives her best to her family and friends, the part that wants to fill her own cup …

You are wonderfully made and unimaginably loved by God – now go love yourself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Peppered Cream Gravy

Yes ma’am, this post is solely about that Southern specialty – white gravy.

Why am I writing about this?

It seems some people are serving up milk on country fried steak and trying to pass it off as cream gravy…

There’s basically 3 ingredients ladies, let’s not make this hard.

Make a gravy to be proud of – thick like the thighs it’s going to.

I jest … sort of.

Melt a few tablespoons of butter in a saucepan. Wisk in a few tablespoons of flour … it’s going to look weird. Just wisk it.

Now it’s clumped with the butter, sort of golden and you’re wondering how this will suddenly be gravy-enough to make your Memaw proud…

Slowly whisk in about a cup of milk – slowly. Preferably whole milk. And just keep whisking.

Turn your heat down. It aught to be coming together.

It should coat your whisk.  You want it thick enough to hold on to your food.

You think it’s too thick, add a little more milk.

Did you go overboard with the milk? Add a little flour and stir really fast.

Salt and Pepper it … heavy on the pepper if you know what’s good.

Now that’s for your chicken fried chicken, chicken fingers, French fries, mashed potatoes, chicken fried steak …

To level up – make it sausage gravy … this is for your biscuits.

Brown your ground breakfast sausage. Once that’s cooked get it out and set it to the side. Leave the drippings and fat in the skillet to act as the butter then carry on with your cream gravy recipe.

Add the sausage back to it and ladle that over some biscuits!

Now, you’re no longer dependent on Cracker Barrel and  don’t let McCormick trick you into believing you need that little packet mix – you got this!

 

 

 

 

 

Protect Your Marriage: Speak Life

I once read a bit of marriage advice that said, don’t complain to your parents about your spouse – instead complain to their parents.

The idea is that their own parents will love them unconditionally and your parents will hold a grudge long after you’ve forgiven them for whatever the complaint was.

I get it.

It’s not bad advice. But how many really have that sort of relationship with the in-laws that you’d be comfortable enough to vent?

It’s not a safe practice to go around belittling your spouse or complaining to anyone but there will be times to vent; to seek advice and perspective.

So who do we turn to?

Someone who believes in marriage as much as you do.

And I’m going to assume if you’re married you see it as an unending covenant.

If you’re complaining to your girlfriend about feeling ignored while your husband is consumed with video games and she tells you, you deserve better than him – she’s not the one.

If you’re venting to your buddy that your wife isn’t keeping up with your sex drive and he tells you, you should have never gotten tied down – he’s not the one.

Find the ones who will speak life into your marriage.

Find people who can commiserate but also encourage.

In my own experience I can say, in the moment it’s not usually satisfying.

Sometimes I just  want to complain, I want to feel justified and feel like someone else is ‘on my side’ …

When I’m redirected back to finding a resolution, compromise or just encouraged it doesn’t immediately feel like they’re on my side.

But truly they are.

They advocate for my marriage even when I don’t want to.

Find those people.

And be that person.

For a deeper dive into this topic listen to the episode Who Speaks into Your Marriage by The Naked Marriage podcast.

 

 

 

 

 

Me, Jesus & the Drive Thru

Lately I’ve been trying to make better financial decisions … not so much better that I would skip a drive thru for lunch today though.

I passed a couple of joints that were on my mind; kept going right passed Chic-fil-a … so how did Jesus meet me in the drive thru if it wasn’t theirs?

Well, I took my bag of carbs from the lady smiling through the window. I sat it in the passenger seat and the thought came to me – pay for the car behind you.

Ok good conscience, I know we’ve spent the last two hours listening to Interrupted – Jen Hatmaker’s words on feeding, clothing, providing for others and being image bearers of God … but remember I shouldn’t even be here … I’m saving money …

In the next swift motion the lady was passing my tea and debit card.

Oooh, too late.

Next time, right?

And when I slid my tea in the cup holder I heard again, pay for the car behind you.

Great.

Now, my transaction is over and I should be pulling away but it’s not me and a good conscience. It’s God and a second chance to do what he said the first time.

I pass my card back through the windows and ask the girl to let me pay for the next car.

“It’s $17.86,” she said.

And I maybe wince but nod ‘okay.’

I can’t back down now that I know who I’m working for. But I do realize not everyone lunches in their car alone and I’m thankful I wasn’t in front of a van.

I took my card and their receipt and my meal to a far corner of the parking lot. I parked and pondered why I’d paid.

Did they just leave the Urgent Care, was there a funeral earlier this week, did it keep them from swiping a credit card and building interest on lemonade, did they just need to have a better day?

I don’t know. This sort of thing it’s fun and nice but truthfully my personality is one that wants to know the why to everything.

I can come up with some questions and possibilities. And this has me thinking, the ‘why’ was never about them.

$17 … that’s not a lot … it’s not a big deal … I told God; trying to comfort myself, on the way to make a deposit, to make a loan payment, on the totaled car I no longer have … that’s a few testimonies for another day.

I logged into the bank app and click pay, the monthly amount due is highlighted – me, being a bit dyslexic or just very poor at math had budgeted an almost extra $10 for it that I had just deposited.

Very clever God.

The other $7 then, where’s that going to turn up?

Seven. The number stood out in my mind. If I hadn’t been paying attention earlier this morning I might have overpayed $7 at Target.

I found a deal and saved myself $7. I overbudgeted and ended up with an extra $10 … I found some change on the ground today too if we want to get really involved.

Anyway, there’s my $17.

I thought God was making me uncomfortable to show me we could make it up. To trust him and it’d be taken care of.

Instead, he showed me it was already taken care of.

Before he asked me, before he gave me a second chance to be obedient, the provision was there and waiting.

The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” Deuteronomy 31:8

And in case that wasn’t enough and because I’ve learned that God always gives more than he borrows … my week long struggle with pharmacies and insurance to fill my son’s prescription usually costing the $35 copay – today was solved and only required a $10 copay.

How about that return?

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” 2 Corinthians 9:8